I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
