sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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