I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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