if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
This toilet bowl is my home.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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