we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
