And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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