I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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