It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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