I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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