dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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