Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
whose parrot is this?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
