You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
