Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We talked him into tasing himself.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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