Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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