FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
