NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
