Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
