HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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