Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
