the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
