She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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