playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
