You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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