if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
