I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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