You're a womanizer and a bitch.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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