I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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