I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
