I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
