i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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