Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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