Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
