i think my tv is drunk
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
