I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Hippo gnu deer
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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