Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
