I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
