my soul wont recognize me after tonight
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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