So many bounce houses so little time
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
FUCK WHALES
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
