I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
