people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
