She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
