I am in a vortex of obligation.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
