I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
