remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
