I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
