im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
