My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
