there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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