Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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