Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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