I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
