Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
