I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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