hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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