Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
