why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
