16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
