i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
