I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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