her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
