$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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