Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
this hospital has no fireball
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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