All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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